As far back as I can remember, there’s been a darkness inside me. Yes, I’ve hid it well. It’s the part of me that revels in my own genius, my ability to pull the wool over the eyes of those who seek to find me out. It’s the part of me that watches Criminal Minds and thinks, “yeah, I could do that.”
Perhaps you mistake me. Perhaps that last statement could be misconstrued. Let me make it clear. I’m not referring to the honorable investigators who seek out those criminals, capturing them and putting them in their place. No, I’m saying that I see myself in some of those monsters.
It’s a darkness that scares even me sometimes. Makes me wonder about split personalities and the nature of evil. It makes me realize how little we know about everyone else, even those closest to us, for we can never know what thoughts run deepest through even our most beloved’s mind.
Then I see the smile in my niece’s eyes, and her innocence, and I think that I would do anything to protect her. And I create fantasies in my mind of conversations I will one day have with my now unborn children, and the love I already have for them is so magnificent that it’s downright perplexing.
Perhaps it’s true what Mr. Black says, that we all have light and dark inside of us. Perhaps anyone is capable of anything, wonderful or horrible, and it’s just a flip of a coin which person they become. Perhaps he is right that who we really are is defined by what part we choose to act on.
I don’t know if I believe that last part. But it’s a nice thought.